Monday, January 25, 2010
My life here is so insulated and I am so hyperfocussed on my tiny universe here that I sometimes forget that there is a "back home." Even though I love my home & family & can't wait to see them, my life here is so surreally interesting that I like to sometimes not even enter the off Ice world (by telephone). My routine is my god, and it guides & protects me. Near the end of season there is so much to write about but so much that can't be written about because this is such a small community. I felt the need to post as this blog has been neglected and I need to ping my subscribers...but this will be a letdown for someone craving information. I am here, working my arse off, thriving in the "cold" (I'm usually too warm), being energized by the busyness, agog at the parties, lying prone on Sundays attempting to "rest." It is the crazy yet dull world of a 6 day grueling workweek at a mancamp, but when the camp decides to let it's hair and guard down on Saturday night, it's a much needed release. I have had a great 6th season, I suppose I'll return - I have no idea what else I would do with myself. This lifestyle satisfies on a deep level that nothing else I've ever tried has come close to. Certainly it is filled with it's share of petty grievances and letdowns. I see that I need to be sensitive to those having a hard time. I am being so socialble that I don't have time to go too inward as I do back home...back home: what does that even mean! When I'm off Ice this feels like Back Home...and Palmer felt like going to some unusual relatives house that I barely know. This place feels a little shallow whereas that place felt too deep. A deep that wasn't the sort of deep that I like to live in, but a deep that challenged me too intensely. Here I can let it all hang out. There I couldn't. I feel so old and so young here at the sametime. It seems I've inserted a rambling diary post into a blog format. Sorry for that! If anyone's reading: I love you and appreciate you & hope you are well & thriving. I certain think I am! And I perhaps need to dissect what I mean by "thriving" - but that will be a long winded, sprawling, and hopefully epic post that I will be able to do in my solitude in New Zealand (and then, Hawaii :)). Forewarned is forewarned...!