but what the heck - the idea that someone may read it makes me leave out all the whininess that my paper diaries tend to reflect. Plus, I can't read my handwriting anymore, and I type faster than I can write, therefore almost getting through the "stack" that is forming this early morning during a time of change: moving out of where I was living in Austin, homelessness, going to Hawaii right when the weather here is getting delicious & dark & stormy, no plan after I get back - true an utter limbo (47 years old, occupying a twin bed at my parents house, my car filled with all my worldly possesions, yet feeling so undeservedly blessed as the richness of my life is overwhelming), but a good limbo: not flailing about in a panic, but luxuriously mulling over my options, while ramping myself up with assaultive action for whatever path I decide upon: I could ski this winter! I have a potential possibility of going to Palmer Station, I could even do Improv in Austin...it's all wide open at this point...
My last posting was so embarassingly bad that I thought I'd better wait til something happened before I blogged again, but "something" is always "happening" and James Michener wrote for 2 hours every morning no matter what, and I have found that doing that presents one with all sorts of surpises & opportunities. The words will start to find subject & meaning without too much help from me, and just banging away at it with no particular direction will eventually stir that inner pot of juiciness that keeps me alive & curious and questing for that pearl at any price that all creative endeavors provide one with. When I painted with oils, that connection was immediate, continual, and lasted for the 20 years that I painted. Seeing a band I really connect with can do that too...I just saw TV on the Radio & they were incredible (though, the elements that made that show so incredible weren't just about seeing the band). And for the last 4 years, even though I haven't done it consistently, participating in the improv community in Austin has filled the creative need. I won't go into Antarctica & it's Impact on my life as I've written reams on that already. The fact that I did not go down this season has gotten my pot so stirred that I realize I am so completely free to choose what direction I want my life to go in, and I am really thinking about some very big and different things. I need to start making more money. I have only ever had really low paying jobs - I am practicing the mantra that it is possble for me to obtain a high paying job that does not require me to do some mind numbing desk work (criminies: most of my low paying jobs were about mind numbing desk work!). I am not sure I am ready for a non seasonal life, but I am thinking about it. The last 10 months I have lived in an 800 sq. ft house with an old friend and when I moved out 4 days ago the relief was overwhelming. Before the Ice, I had owned my own home for 15 years, not cohabited with anyone except for about 5 of those, and completely took it (the fact that I always has my own house) for granted until I started this seasonal life, sold my house, and started rooming with someone in the off season. A few months is ok, but 10 is too long unless I am in love with the person, and even that has a host of issues, but I digress...so having basically payed rent for 10 months & then actually gotten an 8-5 job back in this "real world" really showed me why I bolted to another lifestyle as soon as I found one - there is absolutely no reason for me to have a low paying dumbass job in a sucky climate like Texas when I have to pay rent, gas & everything else in a very expensive city. If I'd had my own place, I would just be covering my bills with my pay and have no extra $. On the Ice, I got used to my entire salary being "gravy" money - I would buy an occasional soda in the bar but that was only because I felt like spending a dollar so my wallet wouldn't freeze shut. What I learned from working stateside this time is that it's going to take a super fabulous job with a high income for me to stay here. There's just going to have to be something that is more shiny & thrilling to me than the Ice to make me not go back there. I never believed it was possible but I have decided to enlarge my thinking. It's all about possibilites now, and I think that magical night November 4th has helped me see that.
This is the island that South Pacific, Tropic Thunder, Jurassic Park (I), Blue Hawaii and all sorts of other movies were shot on. It is stunningly beautiful, very laid back, and full of roosters, hippies and yoga studios. The Waimea Canyon is filled with waterfalls and slippery difficult hikes and the Island is 85% undeveloped. I liked it much more than Big Island, as it was filled with many funky towns filled with artists shops. There appears to have been zero updating of any of the buildings since, oh, 1970 or so. Any development, or even a fresh coat of paint, is seen as threatening to the abiding feng shui of earthiness that permeates the place. I didn't have time to do the Movie Tour Bus as I would have liked, but the two days spent here were truly wonderful...oh, and it rained the whole time except for when I was on top of the canyon rim, taking these pictures...!
