I will be leaving the Ice in 3 short weeks. I'll spend two weeks poking around New Zealand again & then back to Texas. I don't have any firm plans for the next 6 months but I may take a season off from coming down to the Ice next year, which really scares me a little, as it's always fun to know there's a job with a stamped on end date waiting for me. The reasons I'm thinking of taking a season off are varied - my wee doggie is getting older & I'd like to spend more time with him; also I really miss fall & winter in Texas...I've been going from 100F degrees to 40 below overnight & to experience autumn again sounds wonderful (even though I don't know if Texas sees much Autumn, maybe in February...). But mostly, I don't feel the same excitement & freshness about being in Antarctica that I did the past 3 seasons, and when I'm off Ice, I see all the things I cannot dive deeply into because "I'm about to leave" again to come down here. Coming down here really satisfies that part of me that likes continual change, but it has also made me see the things I always took for granted in the past, like going deeper creatively with the Improv community I had fallen in love with before I first deployed. I also painted regularly when I had my own place to live, whereas now I'm homeless (and use that as my excuse not to make art). There are classes & volunteer things I don't commit to as I know I won't be around to witness their "fruit." A lot of people who come down here drop out after 3 or 4 seasons and I wonder if they hit this same wall...I certainly don't feel "done" with the program, but I feel I need to do something different for a year. These are luxury issues for sure! I have it SO good in so many ways - I save enough money here to be able to take 6 months off...I can rent a room from a friend in Austin for a bit & spend the rest of the time travelling. I have no debt, no expenses when I'm here, and live frugally to pile up money for travel, which was always my deepest longing. On the flipside, there is a pull to have a home of my own again to avoid the stress of having to move stuff in & out of my storage unit every six months - to have a "home base" from which new creative projects & deeper connections with community can blossom. I know when you choose one life you have to let the other one go, and the I tend to suffer a bit from "grass is greener" thinking at times, but I need to listen to those subtle pulls in my gut and not continue doing something for egoic reasons. As long as I keep coming to Antarctica, I'll always have something to stun a crowd with. I have used my status as Ice Worker to prop up my "cool-person" persona, but now I find myself avoiding the subject as to not have to answer all the questions encountered when someone new finds out I come down here (and, refreshingly, I don't find I need to be thought of as "cool" anymore). Once you get down here, it becomes incredibly easy to keep doing this - so all the pride & accomplishment I felt from getting myself down here the first time has faded, and I need to keep doing new things to fullfil my soul's yearning to challenge myself every few years. I have felt lately a certain inertia set in...where I could just sit on a couch & watch movies til I grew cobwebs - this disturbs me. Maybe I am physically exhausted. Maybe I am mentally exhausted (a condition down here know as "toasty"). I have to look up my own phone number as my brain is so fried. Maybe having too much freedom carries too much responsibility...maybe I'm trying to look at my own eyeball. It's a good thing I only have 19 days of work left. Is that a joyful smile on my face in these photos or have I seriously cracked? And Will? What can I say - he bought those glasses in Austin - and it's Ice Stock, the most fun day of the year down here, where the seriously cracked are in good company and get to go wild for a whole day...
I will be leaving the Ice in 3 short weeks. I'll spend two weeks poking around New Zealand again & then back to Texas. I don't have any firm plans for the next 6 months but I may take a season off from coming down to the Ice next year, which really scares me a little, as it's always fun to know there's a job with a stamped on end date waiting for me. The reasons I'm thinking of taking a season off are varied - my wee doggie is getting older & I'd like to spend more time with him; also I really miss fall & winter in Texas...I've been going from 100F degrees to 40 below overnight & to experience autumn again sounds wonderful (even though I don't know if Texas sees much Autumn, maybe in February...). But mostly, I don't feel the same excitement & freshness about being in Antarctica that I did the past 3 seasons, and when I'm off Ice, I see all the things I cannot dive deeply into because "I'm about to leave" again to come down here. Coming down here really satisfies that part of me that likes continual change, but it has also made me see the things I always took for granted in the past, like going deeper creatively with the Improv community I had fallen in love with before I first deployed. I also painted regularly when I had my own place to live, whereas now I'm homeless (and use that as my excuse not to make art). There are classes & volunteer things I don't commit to as I know I won't be around to witness their "fruit." A lot of people who come down here drop out after 3 or 4 seasons and I wonder if they hit this same wall...I certainly don't feel "done" with the program, but I feel I need to do something different for a year. These are luxury issues for sure! I have it SO good in so many ways - I save enough money here to be able to take 6 months off...I can rent a room from a friend in Austin for a bit & spend the rest of the time travelling. I have no debt, no expenses when I'm here, and live frugally to pile up money for travel, which was always my deepest longing. On the flipside, there is a pull to have a home of my own again to avoid the stress of having to move stuff in & out of my storage unit every six months - to have a "home base" from which new creative projects & deeper connections with community can blossom. I know when you choose one life you have to let the other one go, and the I tend to suffer a bit from "grass is greener" thinking at times, but I need to listen to those subtle pulls in my gut and not continue doing something for egoic reasons. As long as I keep coming to Antarctica, I'll always have something to stun a crowd with. I have used my status as Ice Worker to prop up my "cool-person" persona, but now I find myself avoiding the subject as to not have to answer all the questions encountered when someone new finds out I come down here (and, refreshingly, I don't find I need to be thought of as "cool" anymore). Once you get down here, it becomes incredibly easy to keep doing this - so all the pride & accomplishment I felt from getting myself down here the first time has faded, and I need to keep doing new things to fullfil my soul's yearning to challenge myself every few years. I have felt lately a certain inertia set in...where I could just sit on a couch & watch movies til I grew cobwebs - this disturbs me. Maybe I am physically exhausted. Maybe I am mentally exhausted (a condition down here know as "toasty"). I have to look up my own phone number as my brain is so fried. Maybe having too much freedom carries too much responsibility...maybe I'm trying to look at my own eyeball. It's a good thing I only have 19 days of work left. Is that a joyful smile on my face in these photos or have I seriously cracked? And Will? What can I say - he bought those glasses in Austin - and it's Ice Stock, the most fun day of the year down here, where the seriously cracked are in good company and get to go wild for a whole day...
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